i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's get the cat blown out
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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