Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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