ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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