So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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