you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
