Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
