fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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