Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
