It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
