You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
