Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You pole danced in your parka.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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