I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
