Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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