Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
