just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
