You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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