Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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