The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
