I wish I could teleport
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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