Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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