i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
