Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
