I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
