How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
