I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
