Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
