it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
