by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
