fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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