Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
