Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
