Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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