He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
