clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
