He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As shirtless as possible
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
