she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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