i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
