I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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