I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
