I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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