Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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