I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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