Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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