I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
