I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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