my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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