I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
