google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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