I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
