she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
