if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
