Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
