Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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