the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
God I need to hump something, right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
