If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
