So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
