I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
