I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
