A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
